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I'll TAX YOUR FEET - PART II, A Story by Tommy Westerhold

Below is Part II of the story written by our friend Tommy Westerhold. You can read Part I here.

Sheila tucked away her glowing recommendation from the Senator, and it was now time for her to burn a little midnight oil.

"Senator, I think I'll stick around a little to catch up on some stuff before my time here is up. Two weeks will fly by so fast."

"Sheila, your hard work here hasn't gone unnoticed, and in fact, I think I may hang around a little to tidy up some paperwork."

"Oh, it'll be nice to have some company, Senator."

"Call me Buster."

"It'll be nice to have some company. Buster!"

9:30 PM, and Buster was on his third bourbon & branch. "Sheila, why don't you take break & come on and have a chat. Bourbon?"

"I'd love that!" Sheila sat in the chair off to the side of the Senator's desk, and crossed her legs slowly, brushing back her long blonde hair. She put her finger in the bourbon and swirled it a few times before sucking it slowly off her finger & raising some sultry eyes toward the Senator."

"Sheila I always thought that we were kindred spirits somehow, doncha think?"

"Oh YES, Senator...I mean Buster, ha, ha!"

"Why not get a little closer so we can really communicate better."

"OK, I appreciate communication..."


Maggie Porkwangle heard a familiar voice when she answered the phone on Saturday morning. "Hi there Mrs. Porkwangle! How are you?"

"Sheila, dear! How's Florida's hottest intern?"

"Oh, now. I'm more than just a pretty face, Mrs. P. Is the Senator there?"

"He's in his office, Sheila. I'll go and fetch him."

Senator Porkwangle was at his desk, still trying to figure out exactly what happened last night, but he thought he liked it. His head was throbbing, though. And he wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone until he remembered it all.

"Honey, it's Sheila!"

"Oh OK, I'll take it in here. Got it. You can hang up." He heard a click and sheepishly answered. "Sheila? Good morning. I forget, Did we get a lot done last night?"

"Oh, Buster, you don't know the half of it. Open your e-mail & click on the attachment."

"What? OK, wait."

With that fateful click, Porkwangle suddenly remembered what he didn't want to remember.

"Now, Buster, hunny...Here's how it's going to play out: First of all, you're always going to remember from now on what the president said about cameras being everywhere. It's just fascinating how professional a production can come out with three well placed miniature cameras and a little cheesy music, don't you think? Number 2: The only thing going down last night was your mean spirited bathroom bill. You're going to walk that back starting today. 3: You're going to send me on a fact finding tour of Mexico for the remainder of my internship so you can learn more about the needs of immigrant workers and their children even before they come up here. 4: You're going to become a fierce advocate of LGBTG rights after you leave office. After all, I managed to spend my entire internship with you in both offices without having my very own private bathroom. So I'll be looking for you to be a champion of myself and all those who just want to exist. I don't expect you to put any new legislation out there about this, since there are so many dinosaurs like you in congress. And I'm not fooling myself that this kind of bigotry is going to die out when you all do. Oh, and one more thing - number 5, i think: I'll expect to hear from any places where I may apply to work how my time with you was very enlightening. I don't think that would be a stretch, now, Buster. Do you? Oh, just FYI, there are three copies out there somewhere, just waiting to make you the next big porn star. The only thing I would regret about that is that I know there's a market for the little movie you & I made."

"Done, done, done, done, and done." Buster was undone.


President Trump stood in front of his newly installed six foot tall portrait, congratulating himself on his news conference, in which he informed the United States of America that its shoes were untied. And now it was time to make that first installment on The Wall.

His executive order, sitting on his desk ready to be signed, directed that all new taxes on hard cider would be applied directly towards building The Wall. And he was initiating that down-payment this morning while the US was looking down at our shoes. And while the Mexicans were wondering how they would be made to pay.

And even though the excise tax on all pork products produced by Chinese-owned Smithfield was still being argued in congress, he had a good feeling that it would be passed, as well. The delegation from Virginia had made its intentions clear, as voiced by Senator Rind (R) VA: "A hog head tax will never, ever get off the ground...remember? 'When Pigs Fly?' Whaddaya think that phrase CAME from? It's a legislative term from the stone age, and we never touch pork. Plus they're all US pigs, even though they're actually owned by the Chinese."

Mr. Trump had a draft of the next executive order that would direct that all tax revenue from that pork tax would help pay for the new destroyer that would complete his fleet. That battleship would patrol the South China Sea. He really didn't care how many of Smithfield's US pork workers would have to pay with their jobs. As far as he was concerned, they were working for China. He turned and addressed the portrait of one of his heroes, Ronald Reagan: "Iran Contra was a brilliant idea, and I hope you are appreciating what's happening here. Mr. President. And it's all going to be done right out in the open - thanks to your example."

America was becoming great again.

#TommyWesterhold #satire #Humor #Story

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